Trigger warning: self-harm and suicide.
If you had met me 10 years ago, you would have met a very different person. I was very sad and quite angry with the world. I didn’t see myself living to reach any big milestones like my 18th birthday, getting married, having children or buying my first home. In all honesty, I could barely see myself reaching the end of the week…
In my life, I have definitely been dealt some difficult cards. My ‘Dad’ left before I was born because he quite literally didn’t want me. At 14 years old, I was living alone. I self-harmed in various ways for 6 years throughout high school. My first relationship was abusive and extremely toxic. I lost almost everything I owned when a storm took the roof off of my home. I was in a car accident which caused months on bed rest and a lifelong back injury. And lastly, I had a traumatic 5-day birth.
Throughout these experiences, I struggled a lot. Each experience pulled me back into a dark place a little more and at the time, I honestly didn’t think I’d ever survive because I truly didn’t want too. I didn’t want to live and I didn’t think I deserved to live.
I didn’t want to continue waking up and being tortured – as I would call it – by the Universe. My life was a literal walking series of unfortunate events. Every day brought more challenges. Every day brought more difficulties. I just wanted it to be over. I would think that everything would just be so much easier if I was no longer here and it was all over.
I wish I could go back and just have one conversation with myself. I would tell myself that everything would be okay. I would tell myself that the difficult cards may continue being dealt but it’s because the Universe knows I can handle it. The Universe is teaching me strength, courage and giving me all of the wisdom and knowledge that I would need in the future.
As I sit here, ‘in the future’, I know that I went through those difficult stages because I had to learn lessons and those lessons were so I could influence you – the person reading this. I went through that ‘torture’ because the Universe knew I would survive and that I was needed to help other people survive as well.
I sit here now with a beautiful little boy and another boy on the way. I have an incredible partner. I have 2 successful businesses. I own 2 homes. I spend my time with my family and helping other people feel better about their own lives. I genuinely love my life and I didn’t think I would ever, ever, ever feel like this.
I don’t regret what I did when I was younger. I don’t regret the person I was and I truly wouldn’t change anything because as cliché as it is, it all made me into the person I am today.
I’m here to tell you that you deserve to live. You may be living through your difficult cards and I won’t lie, they may continue to pop up but it’s because the Universe knows you can handle it. Take the challenges and learn from them. Let yourself feel your emotions and don’t regret anything. Continue to grow and push back because you will come out stronger.
You deserve to live, just like I deserve to live.
Counsellor + Wellness & Mental Health Coach
Hi, I'm Shorina and I'm an Australian Counsellor + Wellness & Mental Health Coach. I'm here to support you to redefine your relationship to self and life! I incorporate a mind, body and soul wellness approach to my work with a focus on healing and mindfulness ♡