I was raised by a single mum. As I got older, we begun to clash quite a lot. This resulted to me being kicked out of home at just 14 years old. I lived with my brother for a few months and then went out into the world on my own. I was still a child, so of course, it was far from easy. To survive, I worked full-time at McDonalds and finished high school.

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At just 14-years-old, I was diagnosed with extremely severe depression, anxiety and stress. The loneliness that came from living (and surviving) alone resulted in a lot of self-harm. I cut myself, I drank too much alcohol, I did drugs, I dated the wrong kinds of people and my relationship with myself was far from ideal. I truly hated myself, and the world.

 

My very first boyfriend was abusive, physically, mentally and emotionally. I was cheated on continuously for years but truly thought that it would never get better for me. I deserved the 'love' I was getting from him. I deserved the pain he inflicted. Of course, he cheated I would think because I wasn't good enough. This relationship lasted for almost 5 years, but I did finally leave when his best friend told me I deserved more and helped me to pack my bags.

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From there, I had often bouts of depression where I wouldn't eat, shower or leave bed. I certainly didn't go to school or work. I also began to have regular anxiety attacks.

 

At 16-years-old, I had decided that life was too hard. I couldn't do it anymore. I was too broken and all alone. I had no hope left. That night, I took an entire bottle of sleeping pills wishing it to be over, but despite my wishes at the time, I survived.

 

I pushed through with the same mindset, beliefs and behaviours and after spending so much time, energy and money creating a life for myself, I experienced a new kind of loss. There was a huge storm and the roof got blown off of my home, literally. Luckily, I wasn't home so I was physically okay, but I did lose about 95% of my belongings. Everything that I had worked so hard for (alone) was gone and I had to start over.

 

My first full-time job was working as a Sales Assistant. I was earning quite impressive money for a 19-year-old, but I hated every single second of work. I was working up to 60-hours a week and every few months, I had to work for a month straight without a day off. I was drained, unhappy, stressed but I was getting great money each week, so I put up with it. 

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I put up with the anxiety attacks and frequent crying in the bathroom and I had no intention of leaving my job.

 

I refused to put myself first, so something else did made sure I was going to prioritise myself (I believe that it was The Universe if you're into that kind of thing). After working in this position for about 4 years, I was forced to stop working with a car accident. 

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I physically walked away from the accident and things seemed okay, but they weren't. I had slipped my L4 & L5 and tore almost every single muscle in my back. I was told I would be in pain for the rest of my life and there was nothing I could do about it other than to take painkillers. I was on bed rest for 3 months, I wasn't able to work for a year. I lost my job, friends, my sanity.

 

I had hit rock-bottom. I was at the darkest point of my entire life. I honestly believed that I was being followed by this grey cloud that would only rain bad luck on me. I hated myself. I hated my life. I honestly hated the entire Universe and every person or thing in it because I thought the Universe hated me.

 

But it didn't. It just wanted me to realise what I was actually doing to myself. The Universe needed me to open my eyes and save me from myself before it was too late.

 

Another year passed and one day, I decided that I'd had enough.

 

I didn't want to live in this dark place anymore. I was tired of feeling sad. I was fed up with all of the self-hate I spoke every single day. I was sick of letting people treat me poorly. I was tired of being exhausted, unhealthy and for the first time in my life, I was done with being in that dark place. I wanted change. I wanted something different.

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That same day, my life truly begun.

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I committed to having a different life. I promised to prioritise myself and change the way I lived life and here I am, years and years later, still committed and still keeping that promise.

 

Now, I have a beautiful family, I have 2 incredible businesses, I support other people to leave their dark place and this life I have created is beyond what my mind could have dreamt of back then. The life that I thought I would never, ever achieve because of this grey cloud that followed me around.

 

I'm not ashamed of my past. I don't regret the things I have done or the things I have said and I'm actually incredibly grateful for all of the things that were thrown my way because, without them, I would not be the person I am today.

 

Are things perfect? No, of course not... but, I wake up every single day and I truly love my life. I love myself, the people in it, the things I have achieved and the things I will continue to achieve.

 

And now, it's your turn to create a beautiful life too.