I thought it would be fun to do a blog post on 29 lessons I've learned throughout my 29 years of wonderful, glorious life. They are in no particular order, they're just ordered as they came to me. And some are a little longer, some are just a sentence or two, they all came to be very intuitively so I’m excited to share them because I know they’re going to be exactly what so many of you need to hear.
Lesson 1. Life ebbs and flows. There are good days and there are bad days and a bad day doesn't indicate a bad life.
Lesson 2. The relationship I have with myself is the most important relationship I have. I can't be the mother, partner, counsellor, friend or boss I want to be if I don't take care of myself first and foremost. And that starts with my relationship to self.
Lesson 3. it's okay to ask for help. I spent so many years thinking I couldn't ask for help which essentially meant I chose the harder option for all of those years. The second I started asking for help, the easier life got for me.
Lesson 4. self-awareness is a superpower. When I was able to start utilising self-awareness as a tool in my life, things really shifted for me. I healed traumas faster, I shifted limiting beliefs faster, I felt more connected to myself and my purpose. Everything got easier.
Lesson 5. we can feel two things at once. For a long time, I found myself feeling like I could only experience one thing at a time. Feelings of accepting what I have as enough, while also desiring more. Feelings of being scared and excited at the same time. Feelings of being tired and inspired. But you can experience more than one thing at a time. When we realise the importance and power of the word AND, our opportunities literally tenfold.
Lesson 6. It's not about eliminating bad feelings or experiences. We can't act as if they'll never happen and that we can simply be happy every day because I'm sorry to say, that is not possible. For anybody. We're all going to have days where we're sad, angry, anxious or any other emotion you may deem as 'bad'. We're going to have experiences that are painful, hard and maybe even traumatic. It's a part of life. So instead of trying to eliminate them, let's manage them. Let's create a support system and use tools and techniques to manage, control and lessen the effects of the 'bad' feelings or experiences we'll come across in our lives. We can't eliminate it from happening but we can manage how we're going to respond to it.
Lesson 7. I wasn't broken. When I was depressed and suicidal. When I was alone. When I self-harmed. When I failed. When I was cheated on. When I lost everything in a storm. After my car accident. I was never broken and I didn't need to be fixed.
Lesson 8. I won't find self-love through self-hate. If you want to embody true self-love, you need to stop the self-hatred. This means you need to let go of nasty comments about yourself, breaking promises to yourself, refusing to accept compliments, nitpicking in the mirror, not prioritising yourself and your health and letting other people treat you poorly.
Lesson 9. It's okay to forgive myself. For the things I said and done that I'm not necessarily proud of. The people I hurt along the way to here, including myself… it was and is okay to forgive myself.
Lesson 10. Life is happening for me, not to me. Whether I want to believe it in the moment or not, everything is happening for me…
Lesson 11. it's safe to say no. I don't need a reason. I can just say no.
Lesson 12. only I have the power to write my story… nobody else.
Lesson 13. the words I speak about myself matter. The subconscious mind doesn't know if I'm joking or not.
Lesson 14. healing should be for ourselves. Not for other people. I want to heal because I deserve a happy, healthy and thriving life and that's enough.
Lesson 15. the trauma didn't make me stronger. The trauma taught me lessons and showed me different ways of surviving, but I'm the one who pushed through. I'm the one who experienced the trauma, learnt the lessons and survived. The trauma isn’t the reason I'm the person you are today. I am the reason I am the person I am.
Lesson 16. spirituality isn't just religion or woo-woo. Spirituality for me was about finding a connection with something bigger than myself and it changed my life in more ways than one.
Lesson 17. my passion doesn't just need to be motherhood. I love my kids with my whole heart, they are my world, but I also love my work so deeply and that's okay.
Lesson 18. there comes a point where I had to let go. Of a certain lifestyle. Of certain beliefs. Of certain relationships. Of hustling. Of the negative influences. I wanted to let go of the pain, so I had other things to let go of too.
Lesson 19. sometimes all I need to do to feel better is to get out of my head and into my body. When I move my body, my mind becomes lighter
Lesson 20. crying is incredible. If you’ve ever worked with me and have cried in a session, you know how I’m ALL of crying. I think it’s so important for us to let our emotions out instead of holding them in. Next time you want to cry, let yourself without judgement, shame or trying to add meaning. Let the emotions out and see what happens next for you.
Lesson 21. things don't always happen on our timeline… but if they're meant for us, they will come to us.
Lesson 22. there is no such thing as perfect. In relationships, parenting, work, my appearance and in life. Nothing is going to be perfect and that's okay.
Lesson 23. the small things are important in life… If we learn to enjoy the small things in life like the hug of a loved one, the softness of new towels, the smell of a new book, the flowers on your walk, we will find ourselves so much more present and happy
Lesson 24. not everybody is going to like you, but as long as you like you then nothing else matters.
Lesson 25. investing in myself was one of the greatest things I've ever done. It was the first step in this beautiful, magical journey.
Lesson 26. Not everybody deserves access to you. I don’t care who they are. They automatically deserve to be in your life based off that.
Lesson 27. we should all live life with the determination of a toddler. My kids build towers for hours. They fall down and then they rebuilds it over and over again until it's the perfect castle. Imagine if we, as adults, had the same determination. We didn't give up at the sign of small inconveniences. We kept pushing ourselves
Lesson 28. I don't want a life that is okay or fine. I want a life that is extraordinary. I want to have relationships that are supportive, loving, empowering and adventurous. I want to be the kind of mum who raises kind people and show up for my kids whenever they want or need. I want to wake up feeling excited and thrilled for the day ahead. I want to feel healthy and energised. I want to trust myself, be self-aware and present. I want to have a life that is beyond my wildest dreams. I want a life that is extraordinary, and I deserve a life that is extraordinary.
Lesson 29. the last lesson, which is my favourite… I make a difference in the world. In big ways, and small ways. I'm important and I matter.
With love & support,
Shorina | Mindful Soul Collective
Counsellor & Wellbeing Coach