when consistency becomes a cage & the shadow side of routine

There is a shadow side to consistency that isn’t spoken about much.

In the healing world, we are taught the power of practice. Of showing up for ourselves. Of ritual, structure, and devotion. And for many of us, these things are life-giving. They bring order to chaos, anchor us in the present, and remind us of who we are. But what I’ve seen in my own journey, and in the journeys of so many clients I sit with, is that consistency can quietly become something else entirely. Something heavier. Something less free.

It often starts innocently. A morning routine that grounds you. A breathwork practise that soothes your nervous system. A journaling ritual that brings clarity. But over time, if we’re not mindful, those things can shift from being supportive to becoming suffocating. Another thing to tick off. Another measure of how “good” or “committed” we are. Another way we subconsciously try to prove our worth.

What begins as healing becomes another set of rules.

I’ve worked with so many people who’ve come to me feeling like they’re failing in their healing because they missed a meditation. Or didn’t journal that week. Or forgot to pull a card or do their movement practise. And behind their words is this quiet guilt. Shame for not doing enough. For not being disciplined enough. For somehow falling behind.

But healing was never meant to be another to-do list.

The body doesn’t heal through perfection. It heals through presence. Through listening. Through creating a relationship with ourselves that is rooted not in performance, but in attunement.

Because the truth is, the body doesn’t always need structure. Sometimes it needs space. Sometimes it needs play. Sometimes it needs nothing at all. And there is wisdom in being able to feel into that.

It’s not about abandoning the practices that serve you. It’s about releasing the pressure to show up in them the same way every day. It’s about letting your healing expand beyond ritual, and into the way you live, breathe, rest, and move. It’s about knowing that a moment of stillness with your tea can be just as sacred as a 20-minute meditation. That laughter with your child can regulate your nervous system more deeply than a rigid routine. That crying in the shower, singing in the car, lying on the grass can be healing, too.

So many of us were taught that to be worthy, we must do. We must prove. We must earn our peace, our rest, our joy. And so we carry this into our healing, believing that consistency is the path to transformation, without realising we are repeating the same old patterns, just in prettier clothes.

But what if real consistency isn’t about repetition?

What if it’s about relationship? About returning to yourself over and over, not because you “should,” but because you want to. Because you’re curious. Because you’re listening.

There’s a softness in that. A freedom.

Because when consistency is born from love, it opens. When it’s born from fear or pressure, it contracts. And healing, real healing, happens in the opening.

This work I do, it’s not about rigid routines or perfect habits. It’s about creating safety in the body so you can actually hear what it’s asking for. Some days that might be a full ritual. Other days it might be staying in bed with your hand on your heart. Both are needed. Both are worthy. Both are part of the process.

It’s okay to take a day off. It’s okay to let your practice look different. It’s okay to pause. Because healing isn’t linear. Life isn’t predictable. And your body is not a machine.

What matters most is your relationship to yourself. That you learn to trust your rhythms. That you learn to notice when your rituals are feeling expansive, and when they’re feeling forced. That you learn to meet yourself where you are, not where you think you “should” be.

You’re not here to perform your healing.

You’re here to live it. To feel it. To let it shape you, slowly and softly, in the ways only you can know.

So if you’ve felt suffocated by your practices lately, if the things that once helped now feel like pressure, this is your invitation to loosen your grip. To listen in again. To let your body speak. Because sometimes, what you need most isn’t more discipline. It’s more compassion.

And that, too, is a practice.

With love & support,

Shorina | Mindful Soul Collective

Holistic Counsellor, Wellbeing Coach & Business Mentor

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