what it means to actually honour yourself
- Jan 20
- 5 min read
For a long time, I thought honouring myself meant doing the right things. Saying no more often. Resting when I was tired. Choosing better. Doing whatever 'looked' like the best option. On the surface, I was doing what all the advice suggested. And yet, something still felt off. There was a disconnect between what I knew and how I actually lived inside my body. I could talk about honouring myself and said I was doing it, but truthfully, I wasn’t even sure I truly understood what it meant.
It wasn’t until I slowed down enough to listen beneath the rules that I realised the truth. Honouring yourself is not a checklist. It is not a performance. It is not something you do to become a better version of yourself. It is a relationship and it's one that is built moment by moment through attention, honesty and care.
At its core, honouring yourself means taking your internal experience seriously. Not just the parts that are easy to accept, but the parts that are inconvenient, tender or uncomfortable. It means letting what you feel, sense and need have weight, even when it disrupts plans or expectations.
Many of us learned early that our needs were negotiable. That our feelings were too much, not enough or simply in the way. We learned to override ourselves in order to belong, to be loved, to stay safe. Over time, this becomes automatic. We stop checking in. We make decisions based on what should be done rather than what is true. We call it resilience or maturity, but often it is self-abandonment wearing a respectable mask.
This is why honouring yourself can feel unfamiliar or even threatening. If your nervous system learned that listening to yourself led to conflict, rejection or loss, then tuning inward will not feel neutral. It may bring up anxiety, guilt or doubt. That does not mean you are doing it wrong. It means your body remembers what it once cost to be honest.
Honouring yourself is not always comfortable. Sometimes it looks like choosing rest when part of you wants to push through. Sometimes it looks like staying quiet instead of explaining yourself. Sometimes it looks like letting yourself feel disappointed rather than rushing to fix it. And sometimes it looks like acknowledging that something no longer fits, even if walking away will change everything.
One of the biggest misconceptions about honouring yourself is that it always feels empowering. In reality, it often begins with discomfort. There is grief in noticing how long you have ignored yourself. There is fear in realising you can no longer pretend. There is love in letting yourself want what you want without minimising it.
Honouring yourself does not mean you always act on every feeling or desire. It means you listen to them. It means you allow them to inform your choices rather than silencing them for the sake of ease. You might still choose compromise. You might still choose patience. But the difference is that you are no longer disappearing in the process.
This work lives in the body as much as it does in the mind. You can intellectually understand what honouring yourself means and still struggle to do it if your body does not feel safe. This is why so many people know what they need but cannot follow through. The nervous system is involved in every decision we make. If it associates self-honouring with danger, it will resist, no matter how logical the choice seems.
Learning to honour yourself often begins with small moments of attunement. Pausing to notice how your body responds when you say yes. Paying attention to the heaviness that appears when you agree out of obligation. Noticing when your breath shortens in certain conversations. These signals are not inconveniences. They are information.
Honouring yourself means letting that information matter.
It might mean cancelling plans even though you feel guilty. It might mean setting a boundary that feels awkward. It might mean admitting you are tired of holding everything together. It might mean choosing something slower, simpler or quieter than what you once chased. These choices do not always make sense to others. They do not need to.
There is also an honesty required in this work that can be confronting. Honouring yourself means telling the truth about what you can and cannot give. About what feels sustainable and what does not. About where you are stretching out of growth and where you are stretching out of fear. This kind of honesty removes the safety of pretending. It asks you to meet yourself as you are, not as you wish you were.
Many people confuse honouring themselves with becoming rigid or selfish. In truth, the opposite is often the case. When you honour yourself, your capacity for genuine connection increases. You stop resenting others for needs you never voiced. You stop overgiving in ways that deplete you. You show up more fully because you are no longer splitting yourself in two.
Honouring yourself also means allowing yourself to change. To outgrow identities, roles and dynamics that once kept you safe. Growth is not always loud or obvious. Sometimes it looks like a quiet withdrawal from things that once defined you. Sometimes it looks like choosing alignment over approval. This can bring a sense of loss. That loss deserves space.
There is no version of honouring yourself that bypasses discomfort entirely. But there is a version that builds trust. Each time you listen. Each time you respond with care. Each time you choose truth over habit. Your system learns that you are paying attention now. That you are not going to abandon yourself at the first sign of difficulty.
Over time, this trust changes how life feels. Decisions become clearer. Relationships become more honest. Your body carries less tension because it is no longer constantly preparing to be overridden. There is a steadiness that comes from knowing you will listen, even if you do not yet know what you will do.
Honouring yourself is not a destination you reach. It is a practice you return to. Some days you will do it well. Other days you will slip back into old patterns. This is part of being human. What matters isn't perfection but repair. Noticing when you have disconnected and gently coming back.
If you are unsure where to begin, start by asking simple questions. What am I feeling right now. What does my body need in this moment. What would it look like to take myself seriously here. You do not need immediate answers. The act of asking is already a form of honouring.
Honouring yourself is not about becoming someone new. It is about becoming more present with who you already are. It is about creating a life that can hold your truth without requiring you to disappear.
With love & support,
Shorina | Mindful Soul Collective
Holistic Counsellor, Wellbeing Coach & Business Mentor
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