I'm sure we have all heard of the love languages, but I'm going to briefly touch on them just in case!
The 5 love languages were developed by Gary Chapman based on his experience in marriage counselling. He found that couples seemed to express their love differently from one another and there was often a disconnect from one another because they weren't clear on how the other person liked to receive love.
The official 5 love languages website describes the concept as "quite simple: different people with different personalities give and receive love in different ways. By learning to recognize these preferences in yourself and in your loved ones, you can learn to identify the root of your conflicts, connect more profoundly, and truly begin to grow closer."
So you would essentially do the quiz, exchange your results with your partner and then start showing love in the way your partner would like it and vice versa which then brings you closer.
The 5 love languages concept can be applied to any relationship we want to deepen in our life, whether it's with our partner, our parents, our children, our friends or with ourselves.
The five love languages are:
Acts of service. This is actually my highest rated love language. For these people, actions speak louder than words. They appreciate when somebody makes their life easier, this could be as simple as running some errands or taking over a task or responsibility so that they don't need to do it.
Receiving gifts. For some people, receiving a heartfelt gift is what makes them feel most loved. For these people, physical gifts are kind of like a visual representation of their love. Something as simple as a bunch of flowers is incredibly appreciated.
Quality time. This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention. For these people, they really appreciate 1:1 time without distraction. Think date night with no phones.
Words of affirmation. This language uses words to affirm other people. For these people, they love to be told they're appreciated and loved.
Physical touch. To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate physical touch. For these people things like holding hands, massages, hugging and sexual acts help them feel loved and appreciated.
While the concept was created to support relationships, I have found amazing value in using it to support our own self-love too. Society has really made self-love into a bit of an overdone topic, but it's still so incredibly important. If you haven't listened to last week's episode, I highly recommend jumping back to episode 10 and listening before getting into this episode.
You can do the quiz to find your love language at 5lovelanguage.com/quizzes and I will pop a direct link in the show notes for you too! I'd recommend jumping on and doing the quiz and then coming back to listen to the rest of the episode, just so you know where to pay extra attention!
When you do the quiz, you may find that you do have appreciation for each love language, but 1-2 will stand out over the rest.
I'm going to share some ways we can show self-love to ourselves with each love language, take what sounds good and leave the rest behind! Let's start with acts of service because that's my love language!
If your love language is acts of service, you may show yourself love by:
Completing a to-do list
Getting your hair or nails done
Cleaning or decluttering
Booking an appointment you've been putting off
Setting and tracking goals
Cooking a beautiful meal for yourself
Taking care of errands right away instead of leaving them for another day
If your love language is receiving gifts, you may show yourself love by:
Buying yourself flowers
Taking yourself out for a date
Investing in your hobbies or business or education
Splurging on something you've been eyeing off
Book a trip away
If your love language is quality time, you may show yourself love by:
Going on a walk alone
Reading a book
Meditating
Watch the sunset
Have a bubble bath
Journaling
Going to therapy
Taking yourself out on a date
If your love language is words of affirmation, you may show yourself love by:
Doing a gratitude practise
Listen to a self-development podcast or read a self-development book
Practise affirmations in the mirror
Setting up affirmation reminders on your phone
Compliment yourself
Write yourself a love letter
If your love language is physical touch, you may show yourself love by:
Getting a massage
Moisturising
Dry brushing
Taking your time with your skincare routine
Stretching
Getting super cozy in bed with fluffy blankets and soft pillows
Self-touch
We can utilise a lot of tools in our mental health and wellbeing journey, and the love languages is a really simple and easy tool to find a way to connect to ourselves, which is something so many of us want to do.
You deserve love, not just from other people but more importantly from yourself so take the time to learn about your love language and use this post as inspiration to practise self-love in the way you will enjoy it most.
There is a beautiful quote by Buddha that I wanted to end on… “You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”
With love & support,
Shorina | Mindful Soul Collective
Counsellor & Wellbeing Coach