My partner, Karl, and I decided we wanted to have a baby, we felt ready in all aspects of life and we had done the things that were important to us before starting a family together (purchasing a house, being financially comfortable, having a “plan”). So, when I fell pregnant, it wasn’t a surprise, we had actually been waiting for months to get that positive test result.
We were SO happy and becoming a mum will always be my proudest achievement, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t come with a whole bunch of hard stuff too.
In fact, falling pregnant and becoming a mum was the biggest adjustment and challenge I have ever had to face.
Suddenly I was worried about things I had never thought of before. My mental health declined rapidly. My relationships changed. The way I ran business changed. I let myself go (physically and mentally). My life had completely changed. It was the most beautiful change I have ever had happen, but I am still adjusting now and my son is 20 months old.
♡ My pregnancy
It took us 9 months to fall pregnant.
I found out I was pregnant in January 2018. I told Karl I was pregnant with a card that said “Who’s a dad? You a dad” which had a pregnancy test wrapped up inside. We were so happy and excited.
I didn’t experience any morning sickness – thankfully. Although I felt exhausted from quite early in the pregnancy, everything really drained me and if I wasn’t working (I had my full-time job sales job), then I was sleeping.
I also had quite bad cramps. Nothing caused them (or I never found out what they were from) but they lasted my whole pregnancy.
When Ezra started to take over my body from getting so big, my back really flared up (from a previous back injury in a car accident). I would have to use a heat pack 24/7, I would sit in boiling hot showers and would cry from the pain. It was horrible.
Alongside my physical struggles, I had a lot of mental struggles too.
A few months into my pregnancy, my mental health declined. Thinking back now, it actually happened so quickly. I started to dread every day, I didn’t want to leave bed, I just didn’t want to do anything at all. I was assigned a specific midwife to attend all appointments, check-in with me regularly and I also began seeing my counsellor again.
I noticed that a lot of the relationships around me changed. I had become distant from friends. I had a lot of problems with people at work. In my eyes at the time, everything I knew had changed and I felt so lonely.
I was diagnosed with severe depression, severe stress and extremely severe anxiety.
If somebody wanted me to rate how much I enjoyed my pregnancy out of 10, it would be 1. I absolutely hated the way pregnancy made me feel, physically and mentally.
Though, as all mothers would say, I would definitely do it again for my son.
♡ My labour
I’ll try to keep this short otherwise we would be here forever.
As I mentioned above, my back pain was horrible when I was pregnant. I struggled to do anything without pain. I would get out of bed at 4 am so I could have a hot shower to try and relieve the pain.
At my 38-week check-up, I cried to the midwife about how hard it was and how I honestly could not go another second being pregnant and that I needed her help before I honestly lost it.
She did a stretch and sweep and booked me in for an induction the following week. She didn’t provide me with any information on how it worked or what I needed to do or even bring on the day. She actually didn’t even tell me she was doing the stretch and sweep until it was done and I was bleeding.
The stretch and sweep did nothing, so I tried all of the usual tricks (spicy food, walking, stairs, sex). Nothing worked but I was booked the following week for the induction, so I managed to keep myself calm until then.
The following Monday, I went into the hospital to begin the induction. I went alone because I assumed, they would do something and I could go home and wait it out. But nope, I actually had to stay the night but it would take a while to “work” so I didn’t really need anybody there to support me at that moment – as per the midwife’s words.
I called my Mum to come (Karl was at work) and the midwives got started with a balloon induction. I was told it would be painless and quite quick and easy.