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1. The series of unfortunate events that were my life

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In today's episode, I share a little about who I am and a snapshot of the traumatic events that led me to where I am now to help you understand why I do the work I do.

Podcast Transcript

Welcome to the Mindful Soul Collective Podcast, a safe space for your healing.

I'm your host Shorina, a counsellor, well-being coach, multi-bus owner and mum.

I'm here to talk all things mind, body and soul.

You can expect conversations on mental health, mindfulness, mindset, healing and whole body wellness.

I've completely redefined my relationship to myself and to my life.

And now it's your turn.

Welcome to the very first episode of the Mindful Soul Collective Podcast.

I have been working in the mental health and wellness space and making all kinds of content

for a while now, but I've really craved having my own podcast and being able to have deeper conversations and I'm so excited to finally be here in your years.

If you're new to my work and to me, welcome. I am Shorina. First and foremost, I am a mum to two beautiful little boys, Ezra and Wyatt. And I am engaged to the love of my life, Karl.

I'm also a multi-biz owner, so I own Mindful Soul Collective where I am a counsellor and

well-being coach and I also own Bras By S, a lingerie store.

So you could say I have quite a few balls in the air, but I do love it so much. This is really what I was born to do.

So while my life might sound really full, it fulfills me in so many beautiful ways and

I just love it so much.

In today's episode, for the very first episode, I really wanted to share a bit of my journey

with you.

I think it's important for you to know where I've been so that you can understand why I

do this work and maybe to offer a little bit of solitude or hope or whatever it is that

you need from me today.

As you'll hear in a moment, I've lived through my very own series of unfortunate events,

but I am really glad to say that my life is no longer unfortunate.

And even still back then, you know, it wasn't unfortunate either, but I did go through this

series of traumatic event after traumatic event after traumatic event and it did really feel

never ending.

So let's get into it.

At just 14 years old, I was kicked out of home and I want to give a bit of context here

as well.

I was raised by a single mum, so my dad has never been part of my life. He left when my mum was pregnant.

And me and my mum are very similar. We were there and we still are now and that caused us to clash quite a bit.

So when I got into those teenage years, I really started to defy my mum and I guess

go against the good girl standards that she was trying to set.

I was not an easy teenager.

I lied a lot, you know, about where I was going.

I was skipping school.

I was sneaking out.

I was doing all of the things that would drive a parent mental.

And I guess I just pushed my mum to her limit, which was kicking me out.

In saying that, I don't condone that and I would not do that to my own child, but I

do acknowledge that I had a role to play there. My mum was at her limits.

After I was kicked out, I went to live with my brother for a few months.

And then from there, I ventured into the big world on my own.

So I signed my very first lease at 15 years old for a little bedroom in a share house.

Now that I reflect on this, it was not a safe space and I mean physically.

My bedroom door locked, but the bathroom and the front door didn't even have a lock

on it.

But at the time, there really was no alternative for me. It was either live there or live on the streets.

To survive, I worked full time hours at McDonald's after school.

And I did finish school. I finished, went all the way to the end. So I got that little certificate. I did do very terribly in terms of marks and grades. But hey, I got the certificate. So yay me.

At just 14, 15 years old, I was diagnosed with extremely severe depression, anxiety and stress.

The loneliness that came from living and surviving alone resulted in quite a lot of self harm.

And when I say self harm, I am really talking about all different ways.

So I cut myself.

I drank too much alcohol.

I did recreational drugs.

I dated all the wrong kinds of people.

And my relationship with myself was far from healthy.

In all honesty, I hated myself and I hated the world.

My very first boyfriend was abusive, physically, mentally and emotionally.

I was cheated on continuously for years, but thought that it would never get better for

me. You know, I thought that I deserved the love I was getting from him and I deserved the

pain that he was inflicting and all of the horrible things he would say to me.

I thought were my truth. I was told that I would never be loved by anybody else. I would be alone forever if I left him, that I wasn't good enough for anyone else. Looking back now, I can see that all I've ever wanted was to be loved. So I put out with him and the way he treated me and his behaviours.

That relationship lasted for almost five years.

But I did finally leave when his best friend told me that I deserved more.

He told me that I didn't deserve the way I was being treated and to get out now. He helped me pack my bags. He put them in the car for me and he drove me away.

And that was the end of that relationship for me and for, you know, my partner at the

time and his friend.

From there, I had a lot of bouts of depression where I wouldn't eat or shower or leave bed.

I certainly didn't go to school or work and around this time is when I began to have

regular anxiety attacks.

So I was sick with anxiety, pushing through work and pushing through school and being

so alone.

At 16 years old, I had decided that life was too hard.

I couldn't do it anymore.

I was too broken and I was all alone.

I had no hope left.

I was done.

So that night I took an entire bottle of sleeping pills, wishing for it to be over.

But despite my wishes at the time, I survived.

Now that I look back on that night and that experience, I like to think of that as the

greatest value of my life because I wouldn't be here.

You wouldn't be listening to me.

You know, I was so done with life and I made it through.

I pushed through with that same mindset, those same beliefs, the same behaviors.

And after spending so much time, energy and money creating a life myself, I experienced

an entirely new kind of loss.

At 21 years old, I lost everything I owned in a storm. I'm in Newcastle, Australia.

And in 2015, there was a really big storm here. And I woke up in the morning and my walls were drenched. It was as if like it was raining down my walls but on the inside.I packed a bag. I went to a friends for the day and night and then I went back the next day and there

was no roof.

I was on my house and that's not a figure of space. I mean, I literally looked up and it was the sky.

I had lost pretty much everything I owned.

You know, I managed to save some clothes and some shoes and a few bits and pieces but

all of my furniture and most of my belongings were destroyed, damaged, lost. Everything that I had worked so hard for alone was gone and I had to start over.

And of course, I was only 21 so I had no insurance because that was too expensive.

My first full-time job was working as a sales assistant.

I was earning quite impressive money for a 19-year-old but I hated every single second

of work.I was working up to 60 hours a week and every few months I had to work for a month straight without a day off.

I was drained, unhappy, stressed, burnt out but I was getting great money each week so

I put up with it.

I put up with the anxiety attacks before work.

I put up with the frequent crying in the bathroom and the horrible people I worked with.

I had no intention of leaving that job.

I was given all of the signs from the universe and all of the little hints and nudges but

I ignored them all and I kept showing up for this job that drained me to my core.

After working in this position for four years, I was forced to stop. With a car accident, I was 22 years old at the time.

I physically walked away from the accident and things seemed okay but they weren't.

I went into work the day after the accident and my manager who I still love very dearly

said to me, you should go get that little ache in your back, checked out and I thought,

sure, why not? Day off work? For sure.

So I took the day off, I went to the doctor, got all the skins and everything done and

I had slipped my L4 and my L5 which are discs in your back if you're not aware.

And I had tore almost every single muscle in my back.

I was told I would be in pain for the rest of my life and there was nothing I could do

about it other than to take painkillers.

I was on bed rest for three months.

I wasn't able to work for a year.

I lost my job, my friends, my hobbies, my sanity.

I had hit rock bottom.

I was at one of the darkest points of my entire life.

I honestly believed that I was being followed by this grey cloud that would rain only bad

luck on me.

I hated myself, I hated my life and I honestly hated the entire universe and every person

or thing in it because I thought the universe hated me.

But it didn't.

It just wanted me to realise what I was doing to myself and the damage I was causing.

The universe needed me to open my eyes and save me from myself before it was too late.

A year after the accident, I woke up and I decided that I'd had enough.

I didn't want to live in this dark place anymore, I was tired or feeling sad.

I was fed up with all of the self-hate I spoke to myself every single day.

I was sick of letting people treat me poorly and accepting that.

I was tired of being exhausted, unhealthy and for the first time in my life, I was done

being in that dark place.

I wanted change.

I wanted something different.

I wanted to wake up and feel good about myself and my life.

I didn't want to be in the dark anymore.

I wanted to create lightness in my life.

And that same day, that's when my life truly begun.

I committed to having a different life.

I promised to prioritise myself and change the way I lived life and here I am years and

years and years and years later, still committed and still keeping that promise.

I am no longer living in the dark.

And that lightness that I wanted to create and find in the world, that lightness is me.

That lightness comes from me.

Have things been perfect?

No, absolutely not.

I have been through even more heartache, more loss and a five day labour since that day.

But the things that I've learnt along the way have allowed me to support myself to

move through these experiences in a different way.

And now, at 28 years old, I have a beautiful family. I have two incredible businesses. I support other people to leave their dark place and create lightness. This life I have created is beyond what my mind could have dreamt of back then. The life that I thought I would never ever achieve because of this grey cloud that followed

me around.

That's what I'm living.

I'm not ashamed of my past.

I don't regret the things I've done or the things I've said or the person I was and

I'm actually incredibly grateful for all of those things that were thrown my way because

without them, I wouldn't be the person I am today.

I wouldn't be able to show up here with the strength and resilience and wisdom I now have

from going through all of that.

Things may not be perfect, but I wake up every single day and I truly love my life.

I love myself, the people in it, the things I've achieved and the things I will continue

to achieve.

I went from living in such a dark and miserable place to creating a life full of light, love,

joy and peace.

This podcast is part of my healing journey.

So I can talk openly and freely about the things I've gone through and experienced and

I think it can be part of your healing journey too if you want it to be.

No matter where you are in your journey, just remember that you're going to be okay as well.

This life I've created isn't because I'm special and I say that with love.

I am just as special as you and every other person in the world.

We are all equally special and if I can turn my life around in this way, so can you.

I have completely redefined my relationship to myself and to my life and you get to do

that as well if you want to.

So do you want to?

Do you want to create a light filled life?

As this podcast goes on and I record more and more episodes, I will be talking about

all of these events in more detail because this was obviously a very quick and short

snapshot of my life and the things that I've been through.

Obviously that is a lot more emotions and things to talk about for each of them, especially

the living alone and experiencing life on my own essentially.

So a lot more to come with all of this stuff I've spoken about today and thank you so

much for tuning in and for listening to the first episode.

If you enjoyed it and if you want to stay updated, please make sure you hit the follow

or subscribe button and I am so excited to be back in your ears again soon.


With love & support,

Shorina | Mindful Soul Collective

Counsellor & Wellbeing Coach


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